When I order lemonade at a hip bar, it never comes without some lovely decor. Because lemonade is just too simple. But... no one ever invented red marble decor on a mirror plate. How is that? I would be so amazed that I would gaze those reflections, I would even forget that the glass is... empty.
"You don't always want to paint rose petals, do you?"- asked my husband when I showed him my angry lion. To tell the truth, it is fun to paint petals, like these red ones. Even more if they are in backlight.
I was a tourist in Budapest. While my dear husband visited a dentist - and this "adventure" is not for the faint-hearted - I went for a walk. He is brave, I am not.
So I was in the role of a tourist. I chased themes to paint. And the first and most famous tourist attraction is the Chain Bridge. I never have a thought about painting it. I always left that theme for street artists. Have you ever looked into the eye of the watch-lion? Wow, it is harsh, frightening. It is not a kind of pussy-cat. Eye-catching.
It was fun to paint. May be it would be a good idea to open my eyes to the city?
After my internet service was cut down (literally, it was a stolen cable in the neighborhood) I had time to think over contacts. I had two full days internet-fast. I was cut from the world and so was the world from me. Surprisingly the sun got up.
What is more, new fresh strawberries have ripened.
So I painted them. A blue marker begged to be on this painting also.
As an artist or wanna be artist you challenge yourself often, don't you?
If you don't, you are on the old beaten path and you don't have room to grow.
Let me tell you how it is with me. If I don't grow as an artist, I feel discontentment, mostly in my stomach but in my whole being is restless... and I work less and less and I slightly become "misunderstood artist".
But the truth is that in the root of the whole discontentment is doubt.
"Am I good enough?
Is this piece good enough?
Am I too young for this? Am I too old for that?
Do I have time to do that?
Is this the right path for me?
Is there a path at all?"
Doubt stands out like this red marble
When I let doubt stay with me, let it lead me, it kills me literally. It goes to depression, sadness and meaninglessness.
If I overcome doubt it simplifies the creative process, it short cuts the curves, it makes me more productive.
More productivity makes my creative juices flowing, more creativity makes me happier and I love the whole process. It is so worth while.
Here are my techniques:
1. I procrastinate doubt.
When in doubt, I tell myself to paint another painting. When I am in doubt, I tell the doubt to come back later. I want to finish this first and I switch myself into a different mindset, working mode. Flowing mode.
More often than not the doubt goes away.
2. Sometimes the doubt is bigger than the above one and comes back.
I sit down and let it be. "I am here for you." I set a time frame, "I have half an hour for you"- I don't want to stay in doubt for long.
And I empty out.
I write down the words of the doubt as they are. I write down each and every question, statement, feeling and not knowingness. I let the doubt come to the surface of my consciousness. Sometimes the doubts are accompanied by fear and judgement. Well it is good to know who is my killer, isn't it?
I put down even that I don't know what to do, and how to overcome this. I just write and write and write.
I write and write... and a magical moment comes. It always happens. Something changes. Something opens up. I see clarity. I feel wholeness. Fresh new energy fills me up.
I let the energy fill up the doubtful thinking. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Sometimes I feel I was just disconnected, nothing serious, nothing bad happened. I can even hug the doubts.
Even though sunflower is not in season here in Europe this time, my soul loves the vibrant
yellows of its petals. Painting 'the sun' is fun and makes me smile.
Hopefully you also feel the warmth of it.
I am delighted by reflections. There are times when I spend long minutes besides huge glass windows, mainly office buildings or hotels. They might think I longing to go inside when sometimes I look into someone's eye... But the truth is that the distorted reflection of the opposite building or a curly tree makes me wonder. So reflection combined with strong colors. That was the base of this painting.